I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you had me at cake vodka
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
