The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
