Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
