I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
