Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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