So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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