how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
