i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
