My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
