She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
