If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I checked into jail on foursquare
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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