Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
