is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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