Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize