That's intense
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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