I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize