why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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