How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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