So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
