woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
