remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
