He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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