Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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