The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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