For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize