I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
