Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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