I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
