The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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