saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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