if you like me you must not know who I am
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
