dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
