i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
