I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
