Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
