I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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