It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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