Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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