this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
