You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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