Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
