They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
