i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
