Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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