One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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