I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
