my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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