we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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