Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize