she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
