She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
