When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
