there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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