Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
