none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
