Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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