He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
