Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
