Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
