if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
